Honoring your voice

Family rules whether spoke or unspoken can create dysfunction in childhood that leads to our adulthood. One family rule that I am familiar with both personally and professionally is that children should be seen and not heard. In other words what children have to say don’t matter because they are not adults. This family rule creates an adult who has difficulty honoring their voice.

There are other family rules that dishonor that child’s right to speak such as being told to shut up when you are speaking, being met with irritability or disgust when you are speaking, being told that what you say is a lie, or that you should keep things a secret. Each of these family rules leads with the message of what you have to say is not important. The family rule is a rule because it once was a rule of the adult when they were a child and they are faced with keeping it going to keep unhealthy homeostasis in their life.

I struggle, yes present tense because I currently still struggle, with being heard. I over think what I want to say or how it will make someone feel if I say what it is I truly want to say. I often get quiet and retreat to keep from saying anything at all. Then there are times I may have a whole conversation in my head and begin to feel irritated and frustrated. The irritation and frustration is often projected onto other people instead of communicated to the person I want to communicate to or handles within self. What I was taught as a child I also do to myself. I take away my own voice. Doing my own work has taught me that I do have a voice and I do need to honor her even when it seems tough.

So how does one honor their voice when it was taking away as a child?

There are different ways one can learn to honor their voice. You can go to therapy and work with your therapist to uncover the rules that were in the home that dishonored your voice. You and your therapist will look at the rules and explore hidden messages you have made up about yourself and your voice based on the rules. In this work the therapist will work with you to help you reclaim your voice and then use it.

How do I use it once I’ve reclaim it?

Well there are different ways to reclaim your voice. One way is through challenging yourself to speak up. Even thought I may have to play my words over in my head I then challenge myself to say it in a way that is empowering and not passive. I give honor to my voice and tell her that she is worthy to be heard (affirmation). I listen to what I am needing emotionally and provide that for myself. I go into reparenting the wounded child that was told she can’t speak and teach her that she can speak. (You can learn about reparenting in the Healing the Child Within Healing Program)

Other ways to honor or reclaim your voice includes but not limited to:

Writing in a journal. Journal writing has a way to give written words to your thoughts. There may be times that you have the thoughts in your head swimming around however they need space to be seen and heard. Journal writing provides that space. You can then look at those words and then give voice to the words that needs to verbalized.

Singing. Singing is a great way to express yourself. You may not sing your thoughts to the person you want to communicate to however you may have that favorite song that you can relate to and sing out loud in the shower, in your car, or all over your home unapologetically.

I statements: I statements are great for verbalizing what you are needing, feeling, experiencing, and beliefs. I statements keeps it about you and not about the person. I statements are used often to help increase empowerment and assertion of those beliefs, values, feelings, needs, and experiences.

There are so many ways to reclaim your voice that I honestly couldn’t put them all here. Reclaiming your voice will include acknowledging the rule that took it and doing what you have always wanted to do if your voice was not taken.

So just for today…

Honor your voice.

Honor the words you hear in your head but afraid to release the from your lips.

Honor that little girl you was told to be seen and not heard.

Honor her and let her be heard. Reclaim the right to your voice.

Tahiyya xoxo

Mirror Mirror on the wall…

Remember the line “mirror mirror on the wall…”.

If you were a fan of Snow White then you will remember the witch asking the mirror to tell her she is the greatest. Thinking now it is not a bad concept when you think about self talk. However today I was thinking who was it that she saw in the mirror that caused her to asked the mirror who was the greatest with hopes it was her.

Every day I stand in the mirror whether it is to get dressed or do my hair but I used to not look at me. Some may ask how is that possible to stand in the mirror and not look at your self?!

No you don’t have to actually see yourself when you’re standing in the mirror. You can still look at yourself but not see yourself.

We are afraid of our reflections when we don’t think our reflections are good enough, pretty enough, fierce enough, skinny enough, thick enough, or just enough in general. We can still stand in the mirror and do our morning routine of makeup, hair, teeth, facial cleanse, etc. however we are so busy in the routine that we use it as a distraction from seeing ourself.

Our reflections have their own story. My reflection has a story of pain and triump, low points and high points, good and ugly, cries and smiles. My reflection keeps the secrets of my pain and traumas. My reflection also tells me “girl, you got this” when I need it.

So what can we do to look at our reflections more?

We can pause. Yes, pause. Slow down the morning routines and really just stare at the person standing before you in the mirror. Listen to her story. Listen to her needs. Listen to her. She holds the key to a life of joy and peace if we just take the pause to listen. We may not like what she has to say. What she has to say may make us cry for days but that’s what we need. We need to hear her so that we then can be heard.

Are you ready to stand in the mirror and say…

Mirror mirror on the wall

Tell me your secrets, tell me all

I want to know so I can heal

I want to know so that I may feel

Mirror mirror on the wall

I’m here and ready for us all…

Tahiyya

Ready to do some reflection work?

Healing the Child Within begins June 28th courtesy of Crimson Academy School of Holistic Healing. Register today!

Or would you like to learn about holistic self care?

Try the self paced course for free for a limited time only click here

No, no, no, no, no…

Have you ever had that guilt after saying no to someone?

Well join the club. Many people have challenges with saying no. I remember when I worked with a client and telling her that she does have power and control over her no. The client was shocked however she went home and tried. The next session she came back sharing how empowered she felt to say no.

Photo by Joshua Abner on Pexels.com

It is so empowering to say no!

No is a complete sentence. However this complete sentence can be difficult to get out especially when we are trapped by our experiences that says says no is a bad word. We may have had childhood experiences that provided us the message that saying no is not how you make friends or get people to like you. Instead we go into the behavior of people pleasing.

So how does one say no?

First think about how does saying yes benefit you? We can get trapped in people pleasing and make up a narrative that will make it ok to say yes when in fact we really don’t want to say yes. If saying yes comes with sacrifice, lack of peace, and later regret then search within and give yourself permission to say “no”.

Second let go of the outcome. We tend to attach to the outcome of what we would like to happen or assume would happen. In doing this we will stray away from saying no. Let go of the outcome and stay in the present. How they take your no is their concern and not yours. My favorite saying is if they have a problem with your no then they may need to go see someone.

Lastly practice saying no in the mirror. Yes. Get in the mirror and say no. Allow your mind, body, spirit, and lips get used to the word. When we are uncomfortable doing things or saying things it will remain uncomfortable. When we are not used to doing things are saying things it can be a challenge or uncomfortable to do. So practicing no exercises that muscle of setting boundaries so when the opportunity presents it becomes easy and empowering.

As you focus on setting boundaries I invite you to challenge yourself to saying no. Practice saying no to your pets, to yourself in the mirror, and to the next thing that you just don’t want to do.

Remember….setting boundaries allows you to honor you and your needs. Setting boundaries teaches people how to interact and engage with you. Setting boundaries teaches you how to disable unhealthy behaviors and engage in healthy behaviors.

Until next time…..

Tahiyya xo

Take the detour sis!

When talking to people I often use imagery. I am a visual person and for me to get it I need to see the vision. Well I do the same when I’m talking to people when trying to teach a concept. This week the theme has been on detours.

What is the purpose of a detour sign?

A detour sign is provided during construction to offer traffic an alternative way to get back to the main highway or road. It is a way to get around the block in the road as to not disrupt where you are going.

Now let’s tie this all in.

When we have a goal, intention, or path we are trying to take we will run into those construction zones. I see those zones as any type of disruption that may happen for a number of reasons. Now with this bump in the road you have a few choices.

Choice One

You can sit there and wait until the construction is done and they open the road. This is representative of sitting there and becoming stagnant. Albeit it may seem like you are trying to figure things out you are still not making any movement. We don’t know how long the construction can go on. You may be sitting there for years the way they construct highways nowadays.

Choice Two

The next choice is you can turn around and go home. This is representative of giving up and going home. We don’t want to wait it out nor do we want to see our options. The construction is either a nuance and we are disturbed and react by going home. Or you may think the universe gave you a sign…. that’s topic for another post.

Choice Three

This final choice is taking the detour. The signs are put up and they are providing the route to get around the bump in the road, the construction. It may take you longer to get to where you need or want to be. Heck you may even get lost before finding your way. All in all taking the detour provides you a moment to take the pause, assess what it is you are needing, acknowledge any feelings and thoughts about the bump in your plans, check out the scenery (mindfulness), and then get back on track or back to moving towards your destination.

So take the detour. The detour provides movement. The detour provides solutions. The detour provides you opportunity to practice mindfulness while acknowledging all the feelings and thoughts but without reaction.

Perhaps the detour is new and taking a pause is unfamiliar or even uncomfortable. Perhaps the part of the detour when we recognize our feelings are new because we’re used to pushing them away.

What do you need to take the detour?

Send us your feedback.

Love and light…

Healing the Child Within Group Program

I hear you

The other morning I laid in my husband’s arms and sobbed. The moment he put his arms around me the tears began to flow. I had no idea that I even had tears. It was the moment that his arms touched me that I felt safe and supported to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability is tough. No matter who you are or how long you’ve been in the field of helping people. Vulnerability can be tough. I call it “letting people see you naked”.

Can you imagine being in a room of being and standing there naked? Yes very much like the naked dreams you may have had in the past. Standing there naked people get to see every part of you, your stretch marks, your curves, your scars, your love handles, even your tattoos you’ve gotten on a whim. Yet standing there naked people get to see and know the real you.

Back to my husband’s arms.

In his arms I was “naked”. I allowed him to see me in a space where I was flooded with confusion, unease, doubt, fear, and anger. He did not judge me. He just listened and probe for more but mostly just held me. Thank you hubby.

When my husband put his arms around me my inner child felt safe enough to be heard. She appeared to let me know that in the mix of all the tears and other emotions she was scared. She did not think she was good enough. It was in that moment that I heard her, asked her what she needed and we did it. We spent time in the kitchen creating hemp infused tea.

It was in that moment self acceptance was demonstrated and we both felt a sense of peace and calmness. We were heard, we were nurtured, we were accepted. Our pain was recognized and there was support to resolve.

I wouldn’t have known how to do any of this if I hadn’t done my own healing work. I wouldn’t have know how to remind myself that I can do this if I hadn’t done my own healing work. I wouldn’t have…. you get the picture.

Inner child healing is a thing just like shadow work. You hear about shadow work so much that we often think that’s all there is to do to start your healing journey. But in order to get to the shadow we must connect with the originator of the shadow… our inner child. The inner child carries the wounds; the outer child acts on behalf of those wounds the shadow tries to hide it all.

So shadow work and inner child work goes hand in hand you can say.

Back to my husband’s arms.

So in remember my tools I was able to have a beautiful Sunday afternoon creating my tea, listening to my favorite music, and enjoying being with me. The fog of chaos disappeared for the rest of day and I felt good.

Would you like to learn how to do this?

She Heals is offering a 6 week group coaching (healing) program on Healing the child within. The start date is May 3rd. We will meet every Monday at 7pm for 90 minutes as a group doing inner child work starting with education, exploration, awareness, learning, and implementation.

To learn more about the program click here.

We hope to see you there.

And as always thank you for allowing me in your space to share my journey

Love and light

Tahiyya

Let’s connect

This morning was a better morning. I had an amazing weekend facilitating healing through the use of energy healing and coaching.

Girllllll did that drain me!!!!

I am lucky tho to have a husband that also does energy healing and was able to recharge my chi (life force energy) until I get to my own session.

The weekend provided me so many lessons and the main lesson (well there were many main lessons…but the main lesson was connection.

Connection is so important. Connection is from the heart chakra or that place in the middle of your chest. Connection allows us to feel vulnerable with ourselves and others. Connection helps to build a support circle of people who will support you in life, love, health, and everything else. Connection is how we are able to sustain life because with out connection we wither away mentally, physically, emotionally, behaviorally, and spiritually, This is what Covid has shown us in the last year.

WE THRIVE OFF CONNECTION…

But not just connection with others. We must also have connection with ourselves. Self connection can be obtained through yoga, meditation, mindfulness activities such as walking, journaling, sitting outside in the sun doing some reflection and more.

When was the last time you connected with you?

Well whether it was yesterday, today, or a year ago let’s start today. Grab your pen and journal and answer the question…

When do you feel the most connects or loved by self? By others?

Don’t overthink it. Just let the thoughts flow. Once your’e done look at what you’ve written and see what changes you need to make to increase those connections.

As always this is invitational but my hope is that you give it a try and see what comes up.

As always love and light!!!

Tahiyya

I just wanted to throw it all away!

I had a rough start to my week. I go on social media and saw something disturbing and it just ruined my whole vibe.  I wanted to cry. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. 

I just wanted to throw it all away. 

I wanted to throw away my ideas, my business, my craft, my gift. I just couldn’t believe what was happening to me. 

So after calming down and talking to my husband I cleared my space with sage, lit a candle and pulled a card. This beautiful card. 

It hit me. 

BELIEVE IN ME. 

It may have seemed that all was lost or that I needed to just give up what I have worked so hard for because of a post. Yet the universe was not trying to communicate that to me. What she was saying that despite what is going on I must believe in myself. I must trust in my gifts, talents, craft, etc. to know that all is not lost and that I will be okay. She was also saying that no matter what, she works for me and not against me. Therefore what I saw as a disaster or my end was actually a push to grow.  

So you’re probably asking what does this have to do with me. 

Well a lot. We often think that mishaps are happening to us when indeed they are happening for us. What we see as challenges may be signs that it is not time, to be patient, try something else, or get uncomfortable (aka grow). Either way we must not forget to believe in who we are and what we can do. Trust it. 

So the next time you just want to throw it all away remember to Believe in yourself. Trust that all things happen for your good and we just have to be still and figure that out or go with the obvious flow. 

So I’m going to go make like a squirrel and trust that no matter how big or small the challenge I will get through as long as I believe in me. 

Until next time…

Tahiyya